Sue Scheff and P.U.R.E.

Sue Scheff: Could Your Child Be a Bully?

SueScheff — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 13:36:41 +0000

Author and Therapist, Kara Tamanini, always offers great parenting advice and articles on her Kids Awareness Series website at www.kidsawarenessseries.com. Bullying has become a very hot topic, as it should be, and Kara wrote an article that parents should stop and read. I would never want to have a child that is the reason why another child is hurting emotionally. Take the time to be an educated parent.

By: Kara Tamanini – Author and Therapist

Could your child be a Bully??

Bullying is a problem that occurs in social settings. Bullying behaviors can occur at school, in a peer group, or anywhere a child interacts with their peers. Most bullying behaviors occur at the school setting where there is less adult supervision, such as in the hallway or the cafeteria. In addition, cyber-bullying or bullying a child on the internet is also occurring at an increased rate and there is extensive research in this area.

What are the characteristics of a bully:

1.) Bullying usually occurs at school and not on the way to and from school
2.) Boys most likely are the bullies and tend to be more physically aggressive; however bullies that are girls tend to spread rumors and are verbally aggressive
3.) Bullying is the most prevalent in elementary school, however bullying is prevalent in middle and high school as well.
4.) Bullying by boys declines substantially after age 15. Bullying by girls declines significantly after the age of 14.
5.) Schools in disadvantaged areas tend to have higher bullying rates by research findings. Also, schools where there is a higher prevalence of children that have behavioral, emotional, or learning disorders, the bullying rate is also higher. In classroom settings where the children are of at least average intelligence, there tends to be less bullying behavior
6.) Bullies often tend to have a below average level of intelligence and a lower reading level than their peers.
7.) In schools that have a high level of parent/teacher and principal involvement, the bullying rate is lower
8.) Girls tend to bully girls through gossiping, spreading rumors, giving the girl the “silent treatment” or refusing to talk to her and getting a group of girls to also not talk to her. Boys tend to be more physically aggressive and boys will bully both boys and girls.
9.) Most bullies do not “operate” alone. They want a group of people on “their side”.

A bully tends to be a child that is aggressive, dominant and tends to have little remorse for their actions or whether or not they hurt others. Unfortunately, parents are often unaware of the problem or their child’s actions towards other children and as a result the parent has never discussed bullying behaviors with their child. A number of researchers believe that a bully comes about or is cultivated through a combination of their interactions with their adults, peers, and their teachers. A bully tends to focus on peers that are chronic victims and their peers that they see do not react well to any form of aggression.

Sue Scheff: Safe Teen Driving Club

SueScheff — Sun, 31 May 2009 18:49:56 +0000

Our Mission
To help you (Mom and Dad!) safeguard and protect your teen,
leading to reduced driving crashes, injuries and fatalities.

What We Do

We provide education and information for parents to help them protect and safeguard their children as they begin driving. To help parents with concrete and actionable steps they can take, we also deliver services and tools — proven to reduce the likelihood of a crash — to help parents keep their teens safe and alive.
Why We Do It
There is no other threat that consistently takes over 5,000 young lives each year. If there were, our nation would long ago have been galvanized into action to do whatever was necessary to stop the carnage. Yet teen driving has been a national health and safety issue — and a tragedy for thousands of families — every year since the late 1950’s when teens began driving in large numbers. We believe there is no more important step we can take for our young people than focusing on ways to keep them alive behind the wheel.
About Safe Teen Driving Club
Vehicle crashes are the #1 cause of death and injury for youngsters age 15 to 20. Guns, drugs, suicide, homicide and all other causes take a back seat to driving crashes. Nearly half of teen deaths result from vehicle crashes. For those who survive crashes, some 300,000 teens must be treated in hospital ER’s each year, many with life-changing injuries.
The Safe Teen Driving Club is a community of concerned parents, teens and professionals, and a resource for protecting teenage drivers and their families. We are working with parents, schools, educators, businesses, non-profits and public policy makers to create a safer driving environment for teens, while giving parents the tools and services they need to significantly affect and improve their teen’s driving behavior. We want to help you keep them safe!
Newsletter Archive
When it comes to parenting teens — keeping your son or daughter safe — understanding driving laws that affect both teens and parents — setting appropriate rules around driving — you’ll find a wealth of information at the Newsletter Archive. (Register or Login at the web site to access these back issues).

www.SafeTeenDrivingClub.org

Sue Scheff: Drop Your Reins – Youth Program

SueScheff — Thu, 28 May 2009 17:00:02 +0000

Drop Your Reins – Learn to Trust
Peaceful Solutions for ADHD/ADD & Autistic Children Using Natural Horsemanship

Founded and run by Danielle Herb, Drop Your Reins is a holistic training school based in Live Oak, FL. From direct interaction with horses to supplemental training videos the program uses Natural Horsemanship For Kids helps guide the powerful minds of ADD/ADHD and Autistic children to reach their greatest potential while maintaining their innocence and purity.

Horses are amazing because they are sentient animals that mirror our personalities as well as our fears. –Danielle Herb

The old model of parenting and training horses, still being used by many today, is to break their spirit into submission to get them to do what you want. They are repeatedly worn down until the end result is unhappy, unhealthy kids and horses.

Are you curious about how horses can help humans learn to communicate more effectively, build inner self-esteem and outer confidence? By partnering with horses, we create an experiential learning environment that invites open communication, personal reflection, and increased self-awareness. Find out more about this “horse stuff” by joining us for a short, complimentary, introductory demonstration of this truly amazing learning process!

We begin each demo with introductions, to each other, to horse assisted learning and to horse behavior. Next, we partner with our four-legged friends to give you an opportunity to experience, first-hand, an on-the-ground (non riding) Drop Your Reins experience. Following the exercise with the horses, we take time “debrief” or talk – seeking to help identify assumptions and belief systems, increasing understanding and awareness. There’s also time to answer questions about how we can collaborate to help you reach your families development or personal growth goals.

Learn More here: http://dropyourreins.adsonvids.com.au/

Sue Scheff: Stop Medicine Abuse with Teens

SueScheff — Thu, 21 May 2009 15:05:05 +0000

I was asked by caring parents and individuals to give people encouraging news. StopMedicineAbuse is making a difference in creating awareness in parents and helping open up the lines of communication with their teens and tweens today.

Although almost two-thirds parents have talked to their teens about cough medicine abuse, a large number still have not had this critical conversation. To help alert these parents, many OTC cough medicines will now feature the Stop Medicine Abuse educational icon on the packaging. The icon, which also can be viewed online (see below), is a key reminder for parents that teen medicine abuse is an issue that they need to be aware of. Here’s what it looks like, so you can keep your eyes peeled:

Look for them on Facebook and join their Fan Club Group to stay updated.

How can you help?

More Parents Talking with Their Teens about Cough Medicine Abuse

Posted by Five Mom, Christy Crandell , on Monday, May 11, 2009

Our efforts to educate parents about medicine abuse have reached thousands of families in the United States. With your help, more parents than ever are learning about this risky teen substance abuse behavior and are talking with their teens. According to the Partnership Attitude Tracking Study, released by the Partnership for a Drug-Free America, 65 percent of parents have talked to their teens about the dangers of abusing OTC cold and cough medicine to get high-an 18 percent increase in the number of parents who talked to their teens in 2007.

My fellow Five Moms and I are excited to share this promising news with you, but there is still much work ahead. Although nearly two-thirds of parents have talked with their teens, 35 percent of parents said that they have not had this important conversation.

We know that when parents talk to their teens about the risks of substance abuse, their teens are up to fifty percent less likely to abuse substances. If you have not already talked with your teens about the dangers of cough medicine abuse, visit our talk page for some helpful ideas on how to have this discussion.

It is also critical that we share this information with our friends and communities as well. Too many parents are still unaware that some teens are abusing OTC cough medicine to get high, and it is important that we talk with them about this behavior. By talking with other parents, we can make sure that every family has the knowledge and tools to help keep teens safe and healthy.

Sharing information about cough medicine abuse is easy. It only takes a moment to start a conversation, and thanks to Stop Medicine Abuse, you can Tell-A-Friend through e-mail or post the Stop Medicine Abuse widget to your blog or web site. The more parents are aware of cough medicine abuse, the better we can prevent this behavior from happening in our communities.

Have you talked with other parents about cough medicine abuse? Share your advice about having this conversation at the Stop Medicine Abuse Fan page

Sue Scheff: What Kids Do When Parents Are Out

SueScheff — Sun, 17 May 2009 12:34:35 +0000

Vanessa Van Petten has been such an inspiration to so many people and many parents! As a young adult she has given us the inside scoop on our teens and the way they are wired today! Her first fantastic book, You’re Grounded, How to Stop Fighting and Make the Teenage Years Easier, was written when she was 17 years old – helping parents see life through a teens eyes. Vanessa Van Petten is one of the nation’s youngest experts on parenting and youth. Her new website – Radical Parenting is becoming very busy!

Here is one of her most recent articles and I am confident many parents will enjoy reading it.

By Vanessa Van Petten

WHAT DO KIDS DO WHEN PARENTS ARE OUT

Last week I went over to a client’s house and was working with her on the time management lesson of my program. We were looking at her school planner and slotting in her homework and project schedule. I noticed that for Tuesday night she had highlighted, added stickers and highlighter smiley faces.

“Is it your birthday?” I asked.
“No, it’s the night of the 8th grade parent meeting at school!” She replied.
“Um, you get that excited for a parent meeting?” I questioned.
“Silly, we love parents night because the entire 8th grade can get online and watch videos and hang-out together, we have to make sure I get my homework done on Monday night!”

I am sure, that High School’s parents have no idea that the whole grade not only looks forward to parent meetings like birthday celebrations, but also that they class is bonding and throwing an online party in their respective homes across the city. (She let me blog about this, as long as I keep my promise not to share the school’s name.)

I think, this is a good thing actually:

-It makes them get homework done early

-It helps them bond with each other

-They are all at home, their really rebellious move is to video chat with, gasp, more than two people at once while mom and dad are out.

-The online environment has allowed for an outside of school recess. (I have many posts about how technology has blurred the lines between home, school and social life and this can be a very negative thing, so I want to have at least one article where it is good!)

-They encourage their parents to be involved. Because everyone wants to be able to go to the online party, kids are now encouraging their parents more than ever to join those committees, and attend meetings to stay informed…hey the schools need all of the help they can get!

I asked my teen advisory council and interns what they do when their parents are out, here are some of the answers, listed in order of popularity (there was a very long tail on this one of some very random activities–some of which I chose to include, some of which I left out).

1) YouTube Videos

2) Talk on the phone

3) Text

4) Raid the kitchen

5) Go on AIM/Skype/iChat

6) iTunes and/or listen to music

7) Watch TV/Movies

Invite friends/boyfriend/girlfriend over

9) Play video games

10) Masturbate

11) Prank phone calls

12) Go out

13) Look through parents room/desk/siblings room

14) The same thing I do when they are home

15) Homework

As you can see, it varies. A lot of the time, you can just ask them and they will tell you. Or show them this post and see if they find any of the answers surprising.

Email and Share This!

Parents in Middle Schools: When Kids No Longer Want You Hello there! If you are new here, you might want…
Helpful Tips for Getting Kids to Help Out [Guest Post] Hello there! If you are new here, you might want…
Resources and Articles for Parents of Kids Hello there! If you are new here, you might want…
5 Ways Parents Can Help Their Kids Pick the Perfect School Hello there! If you are new here, you might want…

Sue Scheff: 9 Secrets to Surviving Your ADHD Teen

SueScheff — Tue, 12 May 2009 16:45:50 +0000

Are you a parent of an ADHD teenager? I know personally that at times it can be difficult. ADDitude Magazine offers some great tips and articles to help you not only cope but understand many of these behaviors.

Source: ADDitude Magazine

by Peter Jaksa, Ph.D.

Discipline strategies that will leave parents and ADHD teenagers on talking terms.

The best way to prevent discipline problems in the teen years is to instill good behavior at an early age — I know, I know, why didn’t I tell you that seven years ago? — and reinforce it as your child grows.

While there are no quick fixes for discipline problems in adolescence, the following rules can help establish the groundwork for cooperation and peace at home.

Don’t Punish Biology

What do teens hate more than being criticized or punished for misbehavior? Being criticized or punished for things that are not under their control — such as the biological symptoms of ADHD. An adolescent with ADHD who has an emotional meltdown is not being “bad” — she is being emotional.

Disorganization or forgetfulness is not a voluntary choice. The way to deal with missing homework assignments is by teaching your teen better organization strategies and time management.

You should discipline destructive behaviors that involve choice. Impulsivity is a biological symptom of ADHD, but that isn’t an excuse for shoplifting or other irresponsible actions.

Be Democratic — Sort Of

Although a family is not a true democracy, discipline is easier when teens help shape the rules. Even the most rebellious teens are more likely to abide by the rules if they had a say in making them.

Holding regular family meetings — once a week is good — encourages open and honest communication and creates an atmosphere of belonging, acceptance, and cooperation. (Emergency meetings can be called at any time to deal with a crisis or discuss an important matter.)

At the weekly meeting, solicit everyone’s opinion. It is an opportunity to air grievances and complaints, and to discuss or change rules. Once a rule is established, everyone is required to live by it. Some decisions are open to a vote (where to go on vacation), but important ones (who gets keys to the car) are in the parents’ hands.

Scale Back Power Struggles

They can’t be avoided, but they can be minimized. Parents should be clear about what they expect of their teen. Rules are written down and signed as a contract (study times, curfews, household chores, driving rules). A few important rules, with frequent reminders and consistent enforcement, work much better than a long list of rules that won’t be remembered and can’t be enforced.

Keep Your Cool

When you ratchet up the tension, your emotional teen is likely to do the same. Arguing distracts both of you from the real issue and finding constructive solutions. Instead of raising your voice, calmly, but firmly, enforce the rules. Follow the principle of “if you abuse it, you lose it.” Break a curfew and you’re grounded for a week. No arguments.

Anticipate Problems

What will you do if your child skips school? Calls you names? Breaks curfew? Comes home intoxicated? You should know before any of this happens. Developing specific strategies for problems makes it more likely that the problem can be dealt with calmly and constructively.

Make Rules You Can Enforce

Never fight a battle you can’t win, and never set a rule you can’t enforce. “Be home by 10 o’clock” is an enforceable rule. “Don’t spend time with your friend Sandy, who tends to get you in trouble,” is not. You can’t tag along with your daughter and choose whom she sees when she leaves the house.

Stay In the Present

Nothing is more counterproductive than bringing up past problems or mistakes while trying to deal with a current situation. Rehashing the past distracts from the problem at hand, and leads to an escalation of frustration and hostilities. Save the long lectures and the “I told you so.”

Let Your Teen Vent

Given the high level of emotionality that often comes with ADHD, your teen’s frustration, disappointment, or resentment can quickly turn into anger.

Acknowledge angry feelings, but don’t criticize them as long as they are expressed responsibly — verbally, without becoming abusive (no name calling or insults). Make it clear that there is a big difference between angry feelings and angry acts. Set firm limits against physical anger toward people or property. If those limits are not respected, be prepared to call the police, if necessary. Some lines cannot be crossed.

Stand Firm on Tough Issues

Major offenses always require discipline. Teens with ADHD are at higher risk for substance abuse and addictions, driving violations, and car accidents than are non-ADDers. These misbehaviors call for swift and meaningful consequences. Be clear that there is zero tolerance for dangerous or illegal behavior, and take action when rule violations occur.

Sue Scheff: Summer Activities for Teens

SueScheff — Fri, 08 May 2009 15:04:42 +0000

Education.com always has great ideas for kids of all ages. I was just forwarded this idea for teens for the summer – creating a Teen Time Capsule!

Check this out – and encourage your teens to gather some friends and have some fun with a blast into the past. This is a fantastic, creative and constructive way to keep your kids busy and having fun!

Make a Teen Years Time Capsule

by Rose Garrett

As a parent looking back on your own high school years, it’s hard to imagine the intellectual development and emotional ups and downs you went through all those years ago. And even for a teen who is still in the throes of high school, or preparing for college, these tumultuous and formative years may quickly become a distant memory.

But remembering the details of what went on, in the world and in your teen’s head, during the high school years can be an important marker in your child’s passage into adulthood. For a fun activity that will have lasting effects, make this time capsule with your high school child, to be opened after college graduation. After a few years, your child won’t believe how far she’s come and how much she’s grown!

What You Need:

Plastic storage bin with lid
Items from your teen’s life as a high schooler (see below)
Duct tape

What You Do:

Time capsules are meant to capture a particular moment in time or moment in history. In this case, you want to help your teen capture what exactly high school was like, and that means academically, socially, and emotionally.

Academics

Your teen may have moaned and groaned over that major research paper, but now that it’s finished, it stands as an important testament to the effort he put into his work, and will make an interesting counterpoint to the college work he’ll have completed when he looks at it again. Ideas for academic items to include in your teen’s time capsule include:

Research papers and other long essays
Your teen’s personal statement for college applications, if completed
Art projects and multimedia (that band demo tape, those photo negatives, etc)
A copy of a teacher-written college recommendation (sealed)

Social Life

This one is a biggie, as anyone who’s been a teenager knows. Friendships, crushes and feuds are all part of the process, and once your teen goes through college, she’ll have new insight into the person she’s become since high school (and it will probably be a change for the better). Here are some ideas for items to include in your teen’s time capsule:

Letters and postcards sent between friends, and notes passed during class (you know it’s happened)
Favorite photos of friends and more-than-friends (if digital, you will want to have them printed to include them)
Souvenirs from trips and fun events, such as ticket stubs.
A favorite shirt or piece of jewelry

Emotions

In high school, teens experience an onslaught of new emotions, and it’s a major part of the path to adulthood. From intense feelings of attraction, competition, jealousy and camaraderie to fears and dreams for the future, emotions rule the day in high school. Here are some suggested additions to your teen’s time capsule, which will help her to remember the emotional roller coaster:

Her journal, if she is prepared to part with it
Best book
Most meaningful movie
Favorite music
Favorite item for her bedroom, such as a poster
Your teen’s favorite picture of herself

Next, brainstorm with your teen about other items she may want to include, such as a newspaper or a photo of Mom and Dad. When your teen has gatherered these items together, fill the plastic storage bin and use duct tape to seal it tightly. If your teen wants, he can decorate the bin or write a message to his future self in permanent marker. Date the bin. Now, you can either bury the bin in the back yard, or hide it away in the garage. Just don’t forget to dig it up when the time is right!

Sue Scheff: Teen Obesity and Childhood Obesity

SueScheff — Sun, 03 May 2009 14:31:12 +0000

IU2U.org – It’s Up to You….

What a great informational website on child obesity, eating healthy, and learning about how to make healthy changes in your family’s diet.

Live a Healthy Lifestyle by Dr. Oz Mehmet offers great advice on this fantastic website as well as other experts and professionals.

KNOW THE FACTS - Today teens are eating more and participating less in physical activity than the healthy amounts experts recommend.

What are kids eating - Kids’ Food has Excessive Sugar, Fat and Salt – learn more details here: http://iu2u.org/kids_food_trends.php

Effects of Obesity – It’s not just a “weight problem.” Learn the many ways becoming obese at a young age can affect a child now and in the future. Click on the figure below to see the effects of childhood obesity.

It’s Up 2 U!

12.5 million American children are obese. By 2010, this number will increase by 20%. Isn’t it time we make a change? Get on board with the Fit Kids Act today at http://iu2u.org/sign.php Then, check out the four-week Chiquita Family Challenge complete with menus, daily fitness and activity charts , kid-friendly recipes from Chef Robert Rainford and lifestyle tips from Dr. Oz’s HealthCorps at http://iu2u.org/change_family_habits.php.

Learn more at http://iu2u.org/index.php and join their FaceBook group at http://apps.facebook.com/causes/271974

Sue Scheff: Childhood Obesity

SueScheff — Fri, 01 May 2009 12:23:48 +0000

IU2U.org – It’s Up to You….